Are We Done Yet? Reflections of
a Tired Host
by Tom Breen
Ogden PD (UT)
2002 IPMBA Conference Chairman
O.K., O.K., it took a few days, but I finally realized everyone was gone
and I didn't have to be here or there or making sure people were taken care
of. Well....almost! We did have to ship T.J. Richardson's bike back to San
Antonio, seeing how - as he put it - his "crew" forgot to load his bike with
all their other stuff. Oops.
As I found time to sit back and look at what had just taken place over the
ten days of the IPMBA conference, I realized that we had pulled it off. What
a conference! Believe it or not, OPD and the crew who worked this really
had a great time. From the rides to the hospitality rooms, it was a lot of
fun, and I hope all of you who were able to attend feel the same.
As the local coordinator, my view of the conference was pretty unique. I
got to see - or at least hear about - it all. Here are a few of the highlights
from my perspective.
I knew it was going to be an interesting week when the LAPD Bicycle Rapid
Reponse Team Instructors rolled in. These guys looked sharp - all decked
out in matching uniforms - hats, shorts, shirts, jackets, the works. Only
one problem: a couple of them had left their front wheels back in L.A. First
stop: the bike shop.
Things got even more interesting during the Cinco de Mayo celebration. The
members of the Advanced Course were in the bike check when a man ran by,
followed by a woman yelling "stop thief!" Leave it to Lou Ann Hamblin - she
outran everyone else, caught the guy, knocked him into a brick wall, cuffed
him, and waited for OPD to come take the report. That put IPMBA, Ogden, and
Lou Ann into the media spotlight and earned Lou Ann OPD's "top award" - a
wooden Model T Ford, complete with an IPMBA license tag.
Next was watching the flatlanders' jaws hitting the ground when they were
told the trails were along the mountains. "Yes," I said many times, "that
trail you see up there is where you'll be riding." Many a deep breath (as
deep as the thin air would allow) was taken, and then I'd hear, "O.K., if
you say so!"
Then came all the swearing when they got back from their first day of rides.
Even from some of the instructors! "The trail was great, Tom, but the ride
to the trail was pure HELL!" "Ya," I said, "those switchbacks can be a little
hard on the lungs." "Not the switchbacks, the hills to get to the switchbacks!"
"Oh, those hills!" But everyone survived with only a few minor scrapes and
bruises.
The members of the Advanced Class had their troubles also. Silly me, assuming
that everyone rides with heavy duty tubes, slime and liners. There are a
lot of goatheads in this desert area. Well, the Advanced Class figured that
out after the second day. While riding one of the north side trails, they
managed to have somewhere around thirty flats (and there were only 15 students
in the class). One rider mentioned in his own polite words that he had fixed
four flats before getting down the mountain. When I arrived at the Timbermine
Restaurant to assist them, I believe everyone had suffered at least one flat,
except, of course, Darren Goff from Ogden PD.
And then there was the obstacle course competition! I hope you stayed around
and watched it. T.J. and company did a great job putting this one together.
I was amazed at how well the riders did! What a race, down to the hundredths
of a second to determine the winner of the Police Cyclist competition. Good
job to all those that participated!
Of course, not all of the adventures were on bike. Utah doesn't have any
casinos, but that did not stop two determined gamblers. I told them it is
is a two hour drive west to Wendover (or as we call it, Bendover), Nevada,
where they have full service casinos and all-night action. I wasn't sure
if they went until almost everyone had shipped out. I was roaming the hotel
when they flagged me down and told me of their adventure. They said they
had had a good time in Wendover and didn't lose all their money. Then the
swearing started, "we didn't know that there is about a hundred *#@% ^%$@#
miles at one point where there are no gas stations!" You guessed it - these
high rollers spent some downtime on a pretty lonely stretch of highway in
the Utah desert. Lucky for them, a sheriff came by and arranged for some
late night fuel to get them to the casino. Probably saved them a few bucks!
Brewski's! Does that say enough? I know some people won't remember it and
some will never forget it. I'm still wondering if the crew from Ohio ever
got the bellybutton piercing done. And was it one of the gals or one of the
guys that was looking to get it done? Speaking of souvenirs, though, at least
one person went home to California with a brand-new tattoo. I know who that
was, but the identity of the two officers who got themselves stuck in the
elevator is still a mystery.
The true highlights, though, were the great classes, the attendees and the
instructors! It was a fantastic time and quite the experience for all. We're
looking forward to next year's conference in Charleston, West Virginia. I
am sure it will be a great one for lots of reason but most of all because
we get to attend and watch! See ya in 2003 - but now, I'm going to go play
some golf!
More Stories from the 2002 IPMBA
Conference...
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