You Know You're a Hard-core Rider
When...
Your Bike is Worth More Than Your Car!
By Lieutenant Tony Gibson
Special Operations Division
Event Commander for the Conference
Wanna-be Bike Unit Guy
"I didn't know bikes did that," my wife said, as I explained how I saw riders
in an advanced class go over a skinny little 2 x 4 piece of wood, up onto
pallets stacked up at nosebleed levels and then back onto another 2 x 4.
I can tell you that my bike doesn't do that!! At least not with me on it.
And "oh", I went on, "you should have seen the obstacle course race thing
at Eldorado Park; it was intense." That Aussie jumped like six steps, it
was incredible! "Oh man," I was telling my non-police friend and fellow mountain
biker, you should have been at the BBQ at the Galleria. This EMS guy from
some southern state was a part-time auctioneer and he auctioned off stuff
for Special Olympics. He was a riot! If you follow redneck humor, "Let's
get 'er done!" prevailed, because he raised hundreds of dollars for the Special
Olympics on stuff that Ron Gorski had been collecting for months (some of
it under suspicious circumstances). Between the raffle and the auction, we
raised more than $2300. If you want to see how Ron did it, go to his website,
www.shakedownmaster.com. And then there was the poor student who came limping
in after one of the off-road rides. All I could think of was that song by
the surfing band, "The Surfaris" - Wipeout! Wait a minute, this was the fun
part. Let me take you back three months.
It was January 7th, 2005, when I first learned that that there was a bike
conference coming to Scottsdale. I wasn't in the bike unit, never had been.
I was a motor for six years and that was the closest I had come to riding
two wheels on the job. I was pretty sure riding a motor was tougher than
riding a bike. Wrong. OK, first thing on bikes - you have to pedal them.
And just a heads-up - you have to go uphill sometimes and over things that
"aren't natural." And then of course there's that pedaling thing again. That's
work. But back to the conference thing this bike group needed. I've done
a few conferences, lots of events. So what, pray tell, does this IBMPA, or
MBPIA or whatever need? A big room, lots of little breakout rooms? Been there
done that. What??? They need what? Pads, bikes, smoke grenades, bike pumps,
pre-planned bike rides, guns, overheads, wood…wood - you have to build
things? What there's more? Oh yeah! Bike stands, radios, computers, cones,
24/7 command post, batteries, paperclips (the fancy kind) tents, security
guards, bullets, sand bags and sand, bike mechanics, banners, trolleys, lights,
ice, water, copy machine, vans, and trailers for bikes and more vans, t-shirts,
ball caps, more cones, four off site venues, rain day site, airport
transportation, a shooting range, more cones, grass to fall in, and wrestle
in (green grass…in Arizona??)….and oh yeah, try to limit the OT.
OK - wait!!! Time out!!!
How many instructors, 10, 15? No, more like 50 and by the way, that one
instructor likes his water cooled to 59 degrees, stirred, not shaken, served
in a plastic fluted bottle. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. The bottle
didn't have to be plastic.
And while you're at it, you better review the outlines for resources needed
because some of the things have changed since Ron Gorski last attended any
actual classes in 1988, and that one instructor is going to need a translator.
He's from London! Great! Sounds like no problem. "OK, good," said my boss,
"because they're coming here April 16th and we haven't started on this yet."
Great. Get me a Tylenol. Well, two months later, and about $1 billion in
long distance charges between Maureen B and the bike unit, we were ready.
I have to tell you that although the bike unit worked hours and hours getting
ready and then ten days straight, we had a great time. To quote one of my
guys on day four, who stood there disheveled, red-faced, sweat dripping from
his chin, but with a smile on his face, "attending these things is a lot
more fun than putting one on!" But, there were lots of "Kodak moments" and
some wonderful memories. We saw old friends and made new ones, learned new
things and had tons of fun.
What a great introduction to the world of police biking for me. I'm a pretty
experienced mountain biker, but I ride single track, not 2 x 4's and pallets,
and not slow speed, that's too hard! I learned that while I can ride, I lack
panache. Is that a word? This was a real eye-opener. I had a great time.
The people really made it fun. Thanks IPMBA! You can come back anytime.
More Stories from the 2005 IPMBA
Conference...
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